Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
