I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
