i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize