youre lurking in front of me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
