hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
