i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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