She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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