you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
