no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize