Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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