Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
