the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
