i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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