ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
