My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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