i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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