i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
