Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
