My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
