Life is so much better after having sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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