do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
