A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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