"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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