I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
