i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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