There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
