I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
