The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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