he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
