I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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