Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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