a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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