We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
