when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
