awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ttyl tear gas
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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