So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
