So drunk its hurt
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How drunk are you?
Completed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
