i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
