I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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