It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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