my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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