Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
