and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
