I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
