shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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