Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
