kristin has been a bad kristin
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
