It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
