so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
