Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
