in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
