I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
