Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
