Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
