dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
