We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
