I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
