I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
