Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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