he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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