I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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