I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
