so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
