If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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