Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
operation harelip BJ is a go
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
